Guilt............ What a powerful emotion. The amount of things it can drive us to do is incredible. I feel that heavy burden of emotion Monday through Friday, and even some weekends when I try completing my personal to-do list with small children. I mean right now, being mom is so cool for my kid’s age group. When 6 AM hits, and it is time to drop Adilynn off at daycare, tears sometimes stream down her face to keep hanging with me. I have to rip those monkey arms off me and put her in the arms of people I trust to take good care of her. At 6 PM, when it's time to be picked up, I get the nice guilt trip of, "Mom, I cried for you today" or "Mom, I cried because I thought you weren't coming to get me." That's exactly what I want to hear after a 12 hour day of being away from her... More guilt. As I start this blog, seeing how much more time this could potentially take away, I have slowly felt the guilt burden pile on. Sunday, as I sewed away, Adilynn played on the floor beside me while we randomly had mini dance parties to awesome songs that came on Pandora and played a "quick" card game. Then there were the moments when I was really focused and she would beg to play and finally say "Mom, I know you are working really hard and you are doing a great job so I'll go play." Thanks Adilynn... You know just what to say for *WHAM* more guilt! Although the guilt is overwhelming some days, I do see some benefits.
1. Adilynn has become very independent due to me not having time to do everything for her. For example, she knows how to turn on the washing machine (including add soap), make her own sandwiches, get a cup and fill it with water, take a bath, get dressed, brush teeth and hair all by herself.
2. I appreciate the little moments with my family a lot more than I would if I were home every day.
3. I have a lot more patience for the melt downs because I am not around for most of them.
I do not think Adilynn means to make me feel guilty because she is my biggest cheerleader. I love when I finish a project and she tells me it is beautiful. The mornings I get ready for work and she loves my shoes, hair and dress. I love shopping and Adilynn’s grateful attitude to whatever she picks out to buy. I love the embracing hug every day when I pick her up from day care as she squeals "Mommy!" with delight.
So to all the working moms out there (which is 77% of mothers today), your kids are proud of you. Your kids do not mean to make you feel guilty. Moms, take it as a compliment when your sweet baby does not want you to leave. It means you are cool and pretty soon, those times will vanish and you will yearn for the days back. Stop feeling guilty and get happy! Be proud of yourself for all the hard work you do on a daily basis. Feel accomplished that you can play multiple roles and even though it gets overwhelming, for the most part, you rock at it.